The word of God hidden in our heart, not only keeps us from death-giving sin (Psalm 119:11); it keeps us in life-giving hope. (Psalm 119:49).
It is my belief that God created the world to be a place where he would share his glory with a people he would choose for Himself. He created them and saved them so that they could glorify him by enjoying him now and forever. I know this because of the Word of God that He gave us, to reveal who he is, who we are, and the purpose for which are alive. There, he revealed that my life has purpose. He is ordering my days so that I will come to experience his grace in such a way that others may see his greatness and goodness by the ways I respond to the pains and pleasures of this world. (Matthew 5:14-16; 1 Peter 2:12)
I am still trying to make sense out of the “valley of the shadow of death” I went through in my battle with cancer. I write because I know that others are going through the same kind of darkness I went through. I want to help them and give them joy producing hope. I know that the Lord had a plan in it, for I am convinced he does nothing to me without a good purpose for me. (Jer. 29:11; Rom. 8:28-29) He uses crosses and losses to display his glory through his believing and struggling servants. A. W. Tozer said it like this: “It is doubtful whether God can use anyone greatly until he has hurt him deeply.”
Isaiah reminds us that our thoughts and our ways are not God’s ways. (Is. 55:8) Sometimes they are shockingly so! I point to Paul’s testimony in 2 Corinthians 1:8-11, as one primary evidence to that assertion. There, Paul writes of his “troubles” that he experienced in the province of Asia. He wrote he was under “great pressure, “far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself.” He then added, “Indeed, we felt the sentence of death.” Wow! This is Paul, one of the most powerful and influential followers of Jesus that has ever lived. Think about what he wrote. He was under a pressure that he, Paul, the apostle, could not handle! He despaired of even of living! He felt the sentence of death!
You cannot gloss over his words. Like David, he was passing through the “valley of the shadow of death.” I can relate. My battle with cancer and the months of fighting the after-effects of radiation and chemo, was devastating! I could not eat, I could not sleep and I could enjoy. It was something I had never come close to experiencing before. I have had troubles before, but they were not even close. I could handle anything with a little help from God. This was pressure I could not handle. I came to understand why people in a desperately painful state could welcome death as a better alternative to living. However, it was, and still is, the “sentence of death” that I found the most troubling.
I have given a lot of thought to what that means. A sentence is something given to you without your say. For me, this “death” was a state of heart, the lack of a “feeling,” of being loved and cared for by Christ. I did not feel he was “there”. I cried out for relief (Psalm 4:2) and received none. The one thing that carried me through those months of darkness was the light of God’s written word. (Psalm 119:105) A library of Scriptures stored in my head gave hope to my heart. David said it like this: “Remember your word to your servant for you have given me hope. My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life.” (Psalm 119:49-50) It was the promises, the things God said in the past, that he would do in the future, that gave me strength to make it in the present. What I was going through was not the final word over my life. He turns all things for my good and his glory. (Romans 8:28-29) Even in this, when it is as black as Egypt, when I did’t feel his presence or know his purpose, I knew that He was present and working.
That is exactly the conclusion that Paul came to. The key word is found in 2 Corinthians verse 9: “But this happened that we might not relay on ourselves but on God who raises the dead.” The word that is significant is “that.” God had a reason and a purpose behind and above that could not be seen through human eyes engulfed with pain.
I wrote in an earlier piece that the key word for me in my darkness was found in Psalm 73:21-26. Asaph spoke of his time of grief of heart and bitterness of spirit, which caused him to be senseless and ignorant, a brute before God. The struggle was so great and the unanswered questions so big that he lost his relationship with God. He was like an animal before him. His feelings led him to despair until he remembered, until his mind received light and he cried, “Yet!” Like “That,” there is something going on here that he could not imagine. When truth was brought to his mind it, made all the difference in his world!
“Yet, I am always with you; You hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel and afterward you will take me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And the earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my life and my portion forever.” Ps. 73:21-26
The truth of God’s Word trumps the feelings of our hearts. The “yet” and the “that” of scripture reminds us that God is doing something far greater in us and through us than can be seen or even imagined by our earthly eyes. This sentence was being used by God to bring Paul to a place of utter helplessness. I don’t know how many times he had to go through things like this, but I am sure it was more than once. (See 2 Corinthians 12:9) But the principle he would discover was more than worth the pain he endured. The principles is this: Even though I am under great pressure, even though I am despairing of life, even though I feel the darkness of death all around me, he remains a miracle-working, dead-raising, hope giving and promise-keeping God.
He then adds, “He will continue to deliver us as you help us with your prayers.” A team of family members, dear friends, former church members, college buddies, Malawi partners and even several strangers, lined up to pray for me as I passed through the valley. God faithfully heard those prayers so that now we can all give him thanks for his gracious favor of answering the prayers of the many. (2 Corinthians 1:10-11) Let me end with this. I have quoted this many times.
“When God wants to drill a man, and thrill a man, and skill a man; When God wants to mold a man to play the noblest part; When He yearns with all his heart to create so great and bold a man that all the world shall be amazed, watch his methods, watch his ways! How he ruthlessly perfects those he royally elects! How he hammers him and hurts him and with mighty blows converts him into trial shapes of clay only God understands. While his tortured heart is crying and he lifts beseeching hands, how he bends but never breaks when his good he undertakes; How he uses whom he chooses, and with every purpose fuses him; by every act induces him to try his splendor out- God knows what He’s about.” -Anonymous